I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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