If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Farmville is her only friend.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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