Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
