R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
my poor anus
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
