did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
