I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
