I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
