Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
