Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Boobs speak an international language.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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