I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
