I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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