New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
