I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
