Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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