Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
