weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
