You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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