he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
