can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These tits shall not be calmed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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