I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
