dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
