My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
