two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
