things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
