I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
