so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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