I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
