I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
