So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
