Three words: puerto rican gang bang
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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