she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
