glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
