I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
