The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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