..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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