2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
