i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
