Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm having to shit out rocks
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
