she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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