goodnight i made you a song goodbye
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
