dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
