Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
