Nicole vs. Life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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