Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
