i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
