so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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