Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
