what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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