she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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