12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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