She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
