Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
