and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
