Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
