yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
