I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
